I have been with my boo boo for going on four years and we are going to get married soon. I am happy that we are in the place that we are right now because it has been a long road. My issue is I want a big wedding with my family and all but we are having to foot the bill (no help from parents) and I feel like if I wait to do a big wedding we will not be married until next year sometime. Mind you I am not rushing but I do not believe in the way we are living right now because of my spiritual belief. The last past two years have been hard, I have had family stab me in the back among countless other things that had also occurred. I am at a place where I am questioning if I should even do a big one because no one is barely talking and I do not want drama on my day. So do I please me or be the nice woman everyone always expects and gets or just grin and bear it? IDK!
May 4, 2012
God bless you girl. I would do what you and the groom would like. Family will be there at some point and they all will learn to get past small stuff. Some family wont as I have been in this position. Smile always be polite and you take the upper road. Family sometimes can be a nusence.. LOL But you will learn that you have to please yourself before you can please anyone..
Love always DJ Catstir..
I agree. Do what you and your beau want. That is how you will be at peace with yourself. Advice from others is fine, but rise above their petty judgments. That is their problem, not yours.
Make sure you do what you can to fix what can be fixed, and don't expect marriage to fix an existing problem. We all want a fairy tale wedding, and happy ending, but it takes work. Try to be the better person, and forgive them. You will feel better, and keep your power, instead of giving it to negativity. Love, and work, and the ability to forgive, and give in sometimes when you really don't want to is the hard work that a successful couple will tell you. If you put your husband first, he will do the same. As for the other family members, just try to get along, but remember you're not married to them. I am sure they love you, but we all do stupid things, and let our pride keep us from apologizing, and admitting we are wrong. If you guys are wanting to get married, then just do it when you are ready, and invite everyone. Tell everyone you invite that you are working with a limited budget, and you appreciate all of their help.
WHERE ARE YOU LOCATED? HELP CAN COME FROM STRANGE PLACES--JUST ASK!
May 4, 2012
Regardless of what you hear and the old cliches about weddings. 1) The wedding day is about you and your partner. 2) Be honest and true to yourself. You will never be happy until you truly answer to yourself as you find that we are our toughest critics. 3) Time is patient, Love is patient. Let everyone have their say, smile and then do what you know is right for you and your partner. You not only gain their respect, you will respect yourself.
One thing I learnt at an early age is you will never ever please everybody. I finally learnt to respect myself and made choices based on what was extremely important to me and found my peace. When you are happy your happiness transfers to others. Be kind but assertive when dealing with others. I find removing negative influences from my life helps me focus. Also, in my opinion, spirituality is a doctrine of this world not of our creator. I always dreamed of a fairy tale wedding but when it came down to it, all I had at my wedding was my sweetheart (naturally) and the people who were truly happy for us!!
You are right to feel this way and to be torn between pleasing others or do what you feel is right.
The only solution is to discuss your situation and have a heart-to-heart with your boo. What does he say?
The clearest advise I can give you is to save a down payment for your venue and set a date with the venue and whomever is marrying you.
If you are confused as to budget, remember that an average wedding is about $15,000-$25,000 for about 150 folks and should include your dj and photos.
Again, a planner is always helpful as they can suggest venues and other things that will help make your day cheaper, i.e.,
* having a Sunday wedding earlier in the day or do a Thursday evening event is much cheaper
* You needn't have a full bar - just wine, beer and champagne and save at least $15 per person
* You could do a formal setting but with a buffet instead of a sit-down dinner so that staff is limited
* You could do your flowers yourself by taking a course
* You should buy your dress at a salon that offers "trunk sales" and save up to 60% off the original price
As far as your guests, you should invite whom is very important to you and your boo and if they wish to attend, they will be there for you. If not, just don't worry about it. Enjoy your day. Keep your bridal party smaller so that you won't have conflicts or jealousy behavior and remember, simple and elegant is a key for a successful event.
If you need advice, contact me through my website.
Best of luck!
if no one else is helping and they are tripping its no sen$e in spending all your money on a wedding. big weddings need big support. maybe marry now to keep from waiting any longer and spend money on a big reception. then you wont be so mad at them. you can still make your grande entrance. (then ball til u fall). god bless you
You mentioned in your blog you are spiritual. I have similiar problems and I went to God in prayer and I got the answers I needed. I have decided if I do not talk to you on a regular basis then that means you are not active in my my life so why invite you to share my day. I have family and friends that are negative and they think it is important to tell me how they feel (yeah right) to me they are dyfunctional, bitter, and jealous. I don't want the energy at my wedding so I have decided to keep my guest list small it consist of 21 people and my fiancee's consist of 200. My sister is giving me away because my mother is deceased and my father does not deserve the honor. I am happy with my decision because it is about the love I have for my fiancee and the wonderful gift God has given us which is each other. No matter what you do you are not going to please everyone. GOD BLESS YOU ON YOUR NUPTIALS...