Atheist Wedding? Messages in this topic - RSS

Atheist Wedding? Messages in this topic - RSS

Amanda10990
Amanda10990
Posts: 4 March 14, 2010
Both my Fiance, and I are Atheist, However- we would still like to have a traditional wedding ceremony. The problem is that church and weddings are often tied together. I'm wondering, is there a way we can do a Traditional wedding? The desired date for our wedding falls on a Sunday. The court house will be closed so we may not be able to find a Justice of the Peace to come Help us. What should we do?
DrRonShapiro
DrRonShapiro
Posts: 354 March 14, 2010
Amanda,

I noticed the following article on the eventective site: http://www.eventective.com/article/Choosing-a-Wedding-Officiant.html

I'm not an expert on this topic and my beliefs are very different than yours. I cannot verify that the information provided is accurate. I'm sure there is a lot more information to consider than what is presented in this brief article, but the article may provide you with some answers to your questions as a starting point.

Best wishes for a successful and happy future.

Ron
djpau312956
djpau312956
Posts: 13 March 15, 2010
Las Vegas

Guest March 18, 2010
What you are looking for is a celebrant. Which there are quite a number of people that are liscenced to perform your wedding and quite a bit more flexible.
RevBo122540
RevBo122540
Posts: 4 March 21, 2010
Absolutely you can have a traditional wedding!

It is not necessary to have any religious references in your ceremony. If you choose carefully, you can have an officiant who will create your personalized ceremony and you will have the final say on what is to be in the ceremony.

Eventective has many, many vendors for most areas. We are ministers, yet we will help each couple create the personalized ceremony with exactly what the couples wish to have in their ceremony - or not have!.

it is your wedding day, your ceremony!!!

Rev. Aliene Bodholdt
Amanda10990
Amanda10990
Posts: 4 March 22, 2010
RevBodholdt wrote:
Absolutely you can have a traditional wedding!

It is not necessary to have any religious references in your ceremony. If you choose carefully, you can have an officiant who will create your personalized ceremony and you will have the final say on what is to be in the ceremony.

Eventective has many, many vendors for most areas. We are ministers, yet we will help each couple create the personalized ceremony with exactly what the couples wish to have in their ceremony - or not have!.

it is your wedding day, your ceremony!!!

Rev. Aliene Bodholdt



smile I'm very glad to hear that! Though, my problem is that I live in Oklahoma- A traditionally "Christian Conservative" state.
They frown on Atheists like me, and I'm sure it's going to be more difficult for my fiance and I to find someone to marry us. Where should I look? And Who should I ask for? It's all seems so complicated. We want to get married on a Sunday- is that possible?
RevBo122540
RevBo122540
Posts: 4 March 22, 2010
Even in Oklahoma! Yep, there are conservative ministers, however, it is possible to find ministers and "officiants" who can legally officiate your ceremony - and yes, they can certainly have it on Sunday and it can be a Traditional wedding! What part of Oklahoma are you in? Can you email me offline? - revbodholdt@live.com
djnes378412
djnes378412
Posts: 13 March 26, 2010
You absolutely can still have a Traditional Wedding. Search for a Wedding Officiant in your area.
I am an Ordained Minister/Wedding Officiant and have performed many weddings of this kind.
Best wishes to you.
Weddings For You Deborah J Rivera djness04@yahoo.com

Guest March 29, 2010
My fiance and I are also atheists, and we're still trying to decide how to work out the wedding. Some atheist friends of ours had a beautiful ceremony that incorporated a lot of traditional elements (white dress and tux, exchanging rings, etc.) as well as some things that made it their own. It was held outdoors on a Sunday, and officiated by a non-denominational officiant. Since parts of their family are religious, and they didn't want to be 'outed' as atheists at their wedding, they selected some Bible passages that they agreed with philosophically, even though they aren't religious themselves, but it made the family feel more included.

A quick search gives this list of Oklahoma wedding officiants - several of which note that they do non-religious ceremonies. A great officiant will be able to help you tailor your ceremony so that you can be true to yourselves and make your family and friends feel included.

http://www.gatheringguide.com/event_dir/ok_oklahoma/evl_wedding_officiants.html

Best wishes to you both!
Amanda10990
Amanda10990
Posts: 4 April 1, 2010
Thank you so much for that link! it really helped!
twacker
twacker
Posts: 3 April 5, 2010
You can have a traditional wedding in Oklahoma that will be meaningful without any religion. My niece was atheist and I got registered in Oklahoma to perform her wedding 7 years ago. I'm still available to do weddings in Oklahoma, Missouri and Kansas. There are many traditional elements you can weave together in a ceremony that aren't religious. In fact some people don't even notice that it's not a religious wedding. Remember that it's your day and at the end of the ceremony it's about your commitment to each other, the word and elements that are performed will be meaningful and are what's going to make your ceremony rememberable.
mercu402241
mercu402241
Posts: 1 April 5, 2010
look into having a civil ceremony rather than religious ceremony, you can still have a traditional wedding. you just need to find a minister that will agree to perform it for you, They may not believe the way you do but they will usually comply with your wishes to separate religion from your ceremony. smile
brown407937
brown407937
Posts: 2 April 11, 2010
RevBodholdt wrote:
Absolutely you can have a traditional wedding!

It is not necessary to have any religious references in your ceremony. If you choose carefully, you can have an officiant who will create your personalized ceremony and you will have the final say on what is to be in the ceremony.

Eventective has many, many vendors for most areas. We are ministers, yet we will help each couple create the personalized ceremony with exactly what the couples wish to have in their ceremony - or not have!.

it is your wedding day, your ceremony!!!

Rev. Aliene Bodholdt
brown407937
brown407937
Posts: 2 April 11, 2010
would love to know about this kind of wedding. we r having the same prob. the ceremony should b like a one in a church but i want more bout me an shawn. it is our day.
RevBo122540
RevBo122540
Posts: 4 April 11, 2010
brownmarcia32 wrote:
would love to know about this kind of wedding. we r having the same prob. the ceremony should b like a one in a church but i want more bout me an shawn. it is our day.


Hi, Marcia and Shawn,

Absolutely you can find an officiant that will make your wedding day exactly as you want it to be!

Where are you located?

Rev. Bodholdt
DFWMinisters.com
TexomaWeddingMinisters.com
twacker
twacker
Posts: 3 April 11, 2010
Marcia and Shawn,
If you'd like to chat more, my site is theweddingmaker, let me know if I can help smile
sarah369660
sarah369660
Posts: 1 April 22, 2010
Get someone you know well to get ordained as a minister online. they can legally officiate your wedding and then you will not have all the awkwardness of a priest, rabbi or the such. My best friend had the same problem and this seemed to be a simple solution. best of luck!
DanzigerPhotography
DanzigerPhotography
Posts: 3 April 22, 2010
As a wedding photographer here in Oklahoma I have seen a lot of different types of weddings. You can have a "handfasting" with its own traditional ceremony. You can also have the vows talks of dedication to each other and mutual goals and becoming one together. Maybe a unity candle or sand ceremony (especially if you have children).
DanzigerPhotography
DanzigerPhotography
Posts: 3 April 22, 2010
I actually know of a great guy who officiated a recent wedding. He quoted excerpts from a novel where two people developed their relationship through extreme hardship. Very interesting. I can give you his info if you want. Photos are on my gallery at http://ibd-designs.smugmug.com just look for Melissa and Billy's wedding 10/10/09
Celia267624
Celia267624
Posts: 23 April 23, 2010
Absolutely; I do them everyday, including Sunday. I would recomment checking out www.celebrantusa.org. That is where I trained, and we have great officiants all over the country.
baby_425160
baby_425160
Posts: 4 May 2, 2010
i'm an athiest and he's a christian i dont mind if he wants it to be christian my problem is finding someone who will come out to the middle of the country the closest officients listed were more than an hour away.
twacker
twacker
Posts: 3 May 2, 2010
Where are you located?
betse315172
betse315172
Posts: 1 May 3, 2010
You can also go to your local courthouse and inquire if any of your judges will marry you off-site. They can do that on their own time if they wish.
bg0ug429465
bg0ug429465
Posts: 1 May 7, 2010
Amanda10990 wrote:
Both my Fiance, and I are Atheist, However- we would still like to have a traditional wedding ceremony. The problem is that church and weddings are often tied together. I'm wondering, is there a way we can do a Traditional wedding? The desired date for our wedding falls on a Sunday. The court house will be closed so we may not be able to find a Justice of the Peace to come Help us. What should we do?

you can always rent facilities,such as garden areas ,some chapels or churches do rent out after there normal church services theres a fee but you do not always need to be a member of a church and you can have whatever officiate you want to perform those services, colleges (larger universities especially) have facilities you can rent
,arenas can be rented, ball rooms can be rented, sometimes historical houses can be rented for the day as well, just a few ideas for you.
djnes378412
djnes378412
Posts: 13 May 16, 2010
You can still have a traditional wedding using a Wedding Officiant to perform the wedding service. I am an Ordained Minister and a licenced Wedding Officiant. I perform services any place you want to get married.
I am in New Jersey. WEDDINGS FOR YOU djness04@yahoo.com
fpcre444932
fpcre444932
Posts: 1 May 28, 2010
The "traditional" wedding service COMES FROM THE BIBLE!! If you don't believe why use it as the basis for the rest of your lives together? How can it truly mean anything for you?
hlfri227254
hlfri227254
Posts: 21 June 12, 2010
I tend to agree with the last comment, but I do understand where you're coming from. You can search online and find some really nice wedding vows and phrases for your ceremony that are more about love and commitment without the religious aspects. My fiance and I are non-practicing in our faiths and we're doing something similar, but we're doing a beach theme wedding outside. We didn't want the church-type wedding because of the religious aspects. A lot of states allow notaries to perform wedding ceremonies. That might be a more practical option for you or someone who is just "spiritual" as opposed to being affiliated with a particular faith. If I were you, I'd focus on each other. Think of a public place that has meaning for the both of you, like a park, garden, beach or whatever. Perhaps that would be a good place to hold your ceremony instead of a church. Either way, good luck in your search. I hope you found this advice useful.
KPartyPlannning
KPartyPlannning
Posts: 2 June 25, 2010
You could have the wedding outside in a pretty place and get married by a legal person if you don't want anything to do with the church. If you don't mind being religiously married, you could probably just get married in a church.
mushi465940
mushi465940
Posts: 1 June 29, 2010
my husband an I used an officiant, we found her online, and was GREAT!!! created a custom ceremony for us through email and we approved it and it was amazing. we dont do the religion thing either
cpl_p474012
cpl_p474012
Posts: 1 July 12, 2010
i live in texas there is a guy who did my wedding he let us decide what was in the ceremony and it turned out great,my wife and i are of two different religious beliefs and we were both happy because he found a way to put them both together....his e mail is angus_grimm@yahoo.com
i lost his number but i think that the above is his e mail.
tnich474649
tnich474649
Posts: 1 July 13, 2010
Why do you want a traditional ceremony if you are athiest? No matter how hard you try, you cannot separate marriage from God. It is a covenant ordained by God. The state has turned it into a legal issue. That is not the way it was intended to be. What unanswered questions do you have that keep you from believing that there is a God?
meado482505
meado482505
Posts: 1 July 23, 2010
Pray. : )
CapicuLove1
CapicuLove1
Posts: 254 July 23, 2010
For non religous ceremonies, go to:

http://offbeatbride.com/2009/08/secular-wedding-ceremonies

for officients, you can check your local phone book or purchase wedding magazines. there are usually lists of officients and you can see who performs non-religious ceremonies.

Whether you are a Christian or Jew, a spiriutal couple or atheist, all weddings are filled with love and joy! You can make your extra special and even write your own commitement vows.

Good luck!
Lise' Ramos
Creative Director
www.allenspatzphotography.com
Havic484362
Havic484362
Posts: 1 July 26, 2010
lol this is funny! pray! vegas! pray for vegas!
BrevardMinister
BrevardMinister
Posts: 157 July 26, 2010
tnichols wrote:
Why do you want a traditional ceremony if you are athiest? No matter how hard you try, you cannot separate marriage from God. It is a covenant ordained by God. The state has turned it into a legal issue. That is not the way it was intended to be. What unanswered questions do you have that keep you from believing that there is a God?


Check your history books. Marriage as a civil institution predates the church by a wide margin. The Roman Catholic church didn't get involved in marriage until they had been in existence for around a thousand years. The protestant denominations were loathe to involve themselves with what they considered a secular institution and tried to keep out of it as well. Your marriage may be a covenant ordained by God for you, but that doesn't mean your definition holds true for everyone else.

So no, the state did not turn marriage into a legal issue. The church took a legal issue and turned it into a sacrament. Sorry, but those are the facts. Can't change history no matter how much it disagrees with our personal beliefs.

Best Regards,
Rev. Ann Fuller
BrevardMinister
BrevardMinister
Posts: 157 July 27, 2010
fpcreunion wrote:
The "traditional" wedding service COMES FROM THE BIBLE!! If you don't believe why use it as the basis for the rest of your lives together? How can it truly mean anything for you?


If you don't mind, would you please cite chapter and verse? I'll be very interested to see what you come up with.

Regards,
Rev. Ann Fuller
Melbourne, FL

Guest August 9, 2010
Reverand?? Fuller, Rather than check history books, perhaps you should look at your Bible. God designed and ordained the institution of marriage in Genesis. Genesis 2, specifically 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his WIFE, and they shall become one flesh." This was clearly before the Roman Catholic church or before organized religion. It is a Creation Ordinance, not a Covenant/Salvation ordinance (like baptism) which is why marriage is not limited to couples of faith. But the perimeters for marriage ARE male and female (so that they can actually become one flesh and multiply, which is the command for marriage).

THIS IS the traditional wedding service: leaving your father and mother, holding fast to your spouse, and becoming one flesh.

Again, because this is a CREATION ordinance, we should allow all male/female couples who wish to be united in this manner, to do so regardless of faith.
BrevardMinister
BrevardMinister
Posts: 157 August 9, 2010
Your disrespect aside, I am indeed properly trained and congregationally ordained clergy. I stand by my response to you. You said the wedding service came from the Bible. It does not. There is no wedding liturgy contained within any book of the Bible. In point of fact, the two most popular New Testament scripture passages used in wedding ceremonies today (I Corinthians 13:4-8 and Colossians 3:12-14) are taken out of context and have nothing to do with either weddings or marriage.

You are conflating weddings and marriage in your responses. Jews and Christians do believe marriage is instituted by God based upon scripture, but that does not mean the wedding ceremony is Biblically based. Nor does it mean canonical law has always recognized marriage as a sacrament. You may know quotes from the Bible, but you do not appear to know church history or the history of marriage.

You are projecting your own beliefs onto others. That is narrow minded and insensitive. Not everyone believes in God the same way you do or even at all. People who do not believe marriage is instituted by God can and do have loving, compassionate and respectful marriages.

If your religious beliefs are important to your view of marriage you absolutely should honor that in the context of your wedding ceremony. You overstep your bounds however, when you presume your beliefs should dictate to everyone else. Civil/secular wedding ceremonies are every bit as traditional, meaningful and legal as Christian wedding ceremonies.

Best Regards,
Rev. Ann Fuller
Melbourne, FL
britt495617
britt495617
Posts: 1 August 10, 2010
My fiance is (non-practicing) mormon and I am atheist, it's a very interesting mix but we are having a traditional wedding with biblical verses read and selected by his family, but the wedding will be outdoor instead of in a church. I come from a mainly Atheist family, and we are all accepting of eachother's view points on religion. It is important to be open minded, we love each other very much even though we have very different view points on religion.

Guest August 17, 2010
Hello. I have been reading the previous comments and I do see your issue. I happen to think that you are entitled to your beliefs, and that you should have your wedding your way, no matter what anyone else happens to think. It's your big day, and you should have it the way you want. I am an officiator, in the state of Massachusetts, and I would be willing to travel to preside over your wedding for you. If you'd like to take a look at my website and take a peek at my credentials and such, you are more than welcome to do so. http://whiteravensofficiations.yolasite.com/
eliza494981
eliza494981
Posts: 3 August 27, 2010
Because my husband and I come from very different religious backgrounds, we asked a friend of ours to become ordained in order to marry us. We help to construct the vows in order to meet the needs of all parties without making any family members angry... you could do something similar by removing the religious aspects and only focusing on the commitment ceremony. It was our friend's wedding gift to us and it was wonderful to have such a dear friend perform the ceremony.
maryb284549
maryb284549
Posts: 2 September 9, 2010
Many officiants provide non-religious weddings, similar to a Justice of the Peace or a "civil" wedding, but these days, they often add cultural elements, and personal vows, and they encourage family members to add ceremony elements from their own traditions, so you can have both an atheist and a spiritual wedding. (I recently performed a Hindu/Atheist wedding with prayers from an Anglican/Zoroastrian priest - so lots for everyone!) A "Traditional' wedding usually means the standard ceremony order -welcome, readings, candles, vows, rings, blessings, etc. - but these elements do not have to be religious, or they can be a mix of spiritual and civil. Contact the national Humanist or Unitarian associations in your country for listings of non-religious official clergy in your area, or search for Non-religious officiants, 'civil' officiants, etc. Just find someone you are comfortable with who is legally certified. If you decide on a non-religious ceremony, you can discuss adding elements from a cultural or religious tradition. You can also do like Prince Charles - have a civil ceremony, and then have a separate wedding blessing, to separate the two events. (Rather like some asian brides have a Tea Ceremony - the real 'wedding', then a western Civil or Religious ceremony, then sometimes even a buddhist or religious blessing). More parties! More dresses! Enjoy.
maryb284549
maryb284549
Posts: 2 September 9, 2010
BrevardMinister wrote:
tnichols wrote:
Why do you want a traditional ceremony if you are athiest? No matter how hard you try, you cannot separate marriage from God. It is a covenant ordained by God. The state has turned it into a legal issue. That is not the way it was intended to be. What unanswered questions do you have that keep you from believing that there is a God?


Check your history books. Marriage as a civil institution predates the church by a wide margin. The Roman Catholic church didn't get involved in marriage until they had been in existence for around a thousand years. The protestant denominations were loathe to involve themselves with what they considered a secular institution and tried to keep out of it as well. Your marriage may be a covenant ordained by God for you, but that doesn't mean your definition holds true for everyone else.

So no, the state did not turn marriage into a legal issue. The church took a legal issue and turned it into a sacrament. Sorry, but those are the facts. Can't change history no matter how much it disagrees with our personal beliefs.

Best Regards,
Rev. Ann Fuller


Thanks, Ann.
As an actual descendant of Martin Luther, I'd like to point out that Luther and others was clear that marriage is a civil affair, and he was instrumental in reforming the Marriage Laws, of course - so that women (particularly) could have more civil rights with regard to marriage - including divorce, annulment, etc. As you so clearly point out, the 'religious' aspect of marriage is a small part of the history of marriage, which has always been a civil contract as well as an agreement between families - royal and peasant. In the Middle Ages, you were actually married when you shook hands in front of witnesses - and if you had a relative who was a priest, you might be lucky enough to get a prayer at the marriage feast - but it was not common to have a religious celebration - you got a nice tray in the Renaissance, with two hands clasped - no religious symbols. There was just a great exhibit about this at the Met Museum in New york...
proko526008
proko526008
Posts: 2 September 21, 2010
If I was in Oklahoma, I would do the your wedding for you... I am an ordained minister. You can find a friend to become ordained and they could do it for you. Many people do this. Good luck and congratualtions smile

Rev. Popie
proko526008
proko526008
Posts: 2 September 21, 2010
Also, please don't let the close-minded people on here that posted to ruin your special day. Have your wedding the way you want it. Unfortunatly, there will always be people that don't agree with your way of life and sometimes they will actually open their wide traps and try to persuade you otherwise.

People, please be respectful of other peoples' beliefs. It's not for you to say what is and/or isn't. You believe what you believe and you don't hear other people criticizing you about it....unless of course people from other religions...but that's a whole other subject.


I am an atheist ordained minister and I respect the beliefs of every man, woman, and child. You should do the same and stop trying to throw your beliefs at other people. You weren't there when religious events happen..you simply believe they did.

I wish you all well.

Guest September 21, 2010
Love conquers all, That is the most important thing here, It is not always about religion, I hate to say that, Many great wishes you both, YOu have the love,freindship, So you will be just fine. Many great things to you both.
nevae392732
nevae392732
Posts: 1 September 22, 2010
you can always use a notary to perform the ceremony.
BrevardMinister
BrevardMinister
Posts: 157 September 22, 2010
nevaewhittaker wrote:
you can always use a notary to perform the ceremony.


Notaries public are not authorized in the state of Oklahoma to solemnize marriages. To my knowledge, only Florida, Maine, South Carolina and one parish in Louisiana permit notaries to perform marriage ceremonies. Though I've heard that Michigan either might have amended their marriage law recently or are considering it.

Best Regards,
Rev. Ann Fuller
http://www.brevardminister.com
anale540825
anale540825
Posts: 1 October 13, 2010
For go any type of ceremony and go straight to the reception. A wedding is a ceremonial union initiated by God, what you need is a wedding license and a Justice of the Peace that will proclaim you husband and wife. That's it. Since you don't believe in God, there is no blessing for you, just continue to believe in whatever and don't bother.
BrevardMinister
BrevardMinister
Posts: 157 October 13, 2010
analeemcintosh wrote:
For go any type of ceremony and go straight to the reception. A wedding is a ceremonial union initiated by God, what you need is a wedding license and a Justice of the Peace that will proclaim you husband and wife. That's it. Since you don't believe in God, there is no blessing for you, just continue to believe in whatever and don't bother.


Not surprisingly, I completely disagree with you. A wedding is a public ritual, whether secular or religious, that invests emotional meaning into the transition from single to married and proclaims that transition in a communal setting with friends and family. Those of you equating wedding ceremonies with religious services are ignoring the overwhelming majority of wedding ceremonies around the world.

Again, I would really like to see where God initiated the wedding ceremony. While weddings are mentioned in the Bible, the liturgy of the ceremony is completely absent.

Telling someone they shouldn't bother with a wedding because they do not believe in God is insensitive, narrow-minded and decidedly unhelpful.

They will be blessed. By the love and well wishes of family and friends who gather to celebrate their union.

Best Regards,
Rev. Ann Fuller
Melbourne, FL
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