HELP!!!! My brother wants to play the videographer! Messages in this topic - RSS

HELP!!!! My brother wants to play the videographer! Messages in this topic - RSS

LoraDLoraDPosts: 16 March 29, 2010
My older brother, wants us to save money on the videographer... He wont take a no for an answer... He'll never understand that I'm not the little girl anymore...

Guest March 29, 2010
Where's your fiance in this conversation ? Let him explain that you both want him to be a part of this day and will need his help, but as a brother, now a worker. You both want him to remember this day for the joy of it. Then go hire the videographer you want.
alliancevideoalliancevideoPosts: 2 March 29, 2010
Alliance Video now offers a service called, AAP (Ambitious Amateur Program). Here's how it works, let your brother shoot your wedding. We provide guidance and a checklist to your ambitious brother on what to shoot on your wedding day.
We are available by phone anytime during the day if a question arises.
We take the footage they shoot and creatively edit a 30 minute video of your day.
We will use up to 4 of your favorite songs in your wedding video.
Custom DVD packaging is included in the price.
We will invest up to 10 hours creating a nice keepsake of your day.
Your 30 minute video will be digitized and put online for 30 days so your family and friends can see.
Rental equipment is also available, including cameras, mics, lights, audio equipment, etc. Contact us for pricing and availability.

Take advantage of this exciting new service for a limited time, all for only $500. visit,
LoraDLoraDPosts: 16 March 29, 2010
Alliance Video would be an option.. but as mentioned, would be nice if he could actually be a part of the big day... dont want him behind a camera but infront... and I dont want to have the cam on a stand standing adn taping only a few heads...

Yeah, my fiance will talk to him too... Why cant they help on things you ask them to??? Why?? :O
Guest March 29, 2010
Give your brother another job that would prevent him from being able to be the videographer. Perhaps a member of the bridal party? That would certainly keep him too busy to film.
matheson2007matheson2007Posts: 3 April 21, 2010
Unless he is an experienced wedding videographer you are likely to land up with a disappointing video that you will seldom watch. This disappointment may well lead to bad feelings with your brother. Not worth the risk. Tell him you want him in the wedding. I am a professional videographer and I have seen too many amateur videos which are horrible at best.
NeotericExpressionsNeotericExpressionsPosts: 41 April 21, 2010
I agree with the advice that he might need another job to keep him busy. I know in my family, we bat out eyelashes real big when we need a favor (LOL). But seriously, I think both you and your fiance need to approach him kindly and ask him to take another role. He might be disappointed, but be steadfast in your approach or he'll see the weakness loophole and might be even more stubborn about it.
James386671James386671Posts: 16 April 30, 2010
James Media LLC can actually videotape your wedding and edit it for a resonable price. Email me for a quick quote. No harm in that.
James386671James386671Posts: 16 April 30, 2010
My company can also get your brother involved so that he does not feel like his hopes and desires of videotaping your wedding is tossed out of the door.
James386671James386671Posts: 16 April 30, 2010
I can give your brother one of our "professional" cameras and charge you $200 for the day. We will then take his footage, our footage, and edit the whole thing to make it look professional. We will even involve him in the editing process. You won't find a better deal!!! This way he can be happy and you can be happy too. Call me at your earliest. 917-346-8504. Brigitte
LoraD wrote:
My older brother, wants us to save money on the videographer... He wont take a no for an answer... He'll never understand that I'm not the little girl anymore...

LoraDLoraDPosts: 16 May 1, 2010
Thank you All for your ideas...

I'll talk with my finace and get back to you Brigitte! It's an idea...
James386671James386671Posts: 16 May 3, 2010
Okay Laura, no worries. Sometimes our loved ones are adamant about doing certain things because they believe that shows how much they care and love you, even when we think it's a bit off the wall. I understand where your brother is coming from and your perspective as well. Hope everything works out for you and your fiance.
kmcvideoproskmcvideoprosPosts: 29 May 3, 2010
An amateur that shoots a wedding video, even if given a professional camera, still brings the experience, point of view, and general abilities of an amateur. You have one opportunity to have the kind of wedding video that you'll want to watch 25 years from now. My professional advice - hire a professional that you can afford. Our company offers a variety of wedding & reception packages professionally shot and edited, starting at $595. This way your brother can sit and enjoy his sister's wedding. Visit our website - and contact us. Good Luck!
Guest May 3, 2010
You're not entirely correct KMC video. If he is trained to do certain things with a camera, some of his footage can be used. It appears as though you just want a job from the young lady and not trying to offer advise. Which one is it?
Guest May 3, 2010
KMC video, I'm sure You've hired inexperienced people to shoot video for you. We've all been there. Let's keep it real please.
kmcvideoproskmcvideoprosPosts: 29 May 4, 2010
Not sure if the last two guests read all of the postings but, any entrepreneur that is not looking for their next customer is not a very good business person and like two of the three previous video companies that gave their point of view they also were offering their services, that is just good business.

But let us keep in mind that this is about a bride who stated in detail in a follow-up posting that she is not comfortable with what her brother wants to do and said “… don’t want him behind a camera but in front…”. We are simple trying to keep our focus on what the bride wants for her wedding day.
Guest May 4, 2010
Okay, I get your point. You are right.
Bellaray3Bellaray3Posts: 8 May 4, 2010
can he come be mine.. i have no money but he's super
CapicuLove1CapicuLove1Posts: 254 May 4, 2010
Dear Help: Thank him for his help and let him come in as a "second" videographer. In other words, hire a professional -- and your brother can also shoot (keeping out of the way of the primary cinematographer) and he can give the tapes to the professional who may be able to actually use some of the footage. Don't know if there is an extra charge to use the footage, but at least your brother will think he's doing a good deed, and it will keep him busy and out of your hair. Tell him that he must work unobtrusively. In other words, you and your bridal party should not be aware of his presence. As with all professionals, he needs to realize that he needs to take a seat behind the real videographer. Good luck! Lise Ramos
love_199470love_199470Posts: 1 May 10, 2010
It seems that if you put a camera in someone hands they think they can capture the right moments of the day. They call us professional because we have done this numerous times. There are so many rules to follow in a church. Please don't forget, you only have one chance to film this properly. If he wants to shoot it... fine... but also hire a pro if you have the budget for it. Us pro's show up with about $40.000 worth of camera gear to make sure we do it right, we have wireless mic's, podium recorders, and 2 video camera. We often have customers that regret not hiring us, instead they wen't with a cheaper company. Don't forget the old saying... you get what you paid for!

You know what it's like having family do a favour for you right? Not only will the footage be less then desired, but he may never get to editing it, and me as a pro, there is nothing worse then editing someone elses footage. I'm not trying to down your brother, I'm sure he will do a great job, but remember, you will be watching this film for years to come if you hire a pro, and if you have your brother do it... well... it might become a duct magnet. You will have less aggravation if you just let a pro do it. Just my 2 cents.
MaliaLeinauPhotographyMaliaLeinauPhotographyPosts: 2 May 13, 2010
When i first started taking photos my cousins were ok with me taking pictures but hired a photographer just in case. we double shot the event and they got super coverage!

Some times the best photo/video to come out of a wedding is the candid stuff that isn't taken by the key photographer/videographer.
whats392812whats392812Posts: 8 May 15, 2010
Ah yes, I've had this issue before Big Grin.

Some resolutions that have worked for me:

1. Have him film the video that will be playing during your reception of relatives wishing you well (or roasting you, as was the case at my wedding). Hire a professional videographer for your wedding day.

2. Explain to him that you would love to have him make the video, but you want to have a "backup" videographer "just in case" (sounds like this won't work for you because you want him in the video)

3. Hire an event planner, and tell him they hired the videographer because they didn't realize he was supposed to do it...oops Big Grin (do let the event planner in on it though)

4. Let him make the video. Make sure he uses a tri-pod and rents a professional camera. Take it to a professional for editing. A good professional will be able to edit his footage into something useable.

Hope that helps!

Catharine Crerar
whats392812whats392812Posts: 8 May 15, 2010
Incidentally I have hired videographers with years of experience whose work was terrible, so no matter whom you hire, ASK TO SEE AN EXAMPLE OF THEIR WORK Big Grin
brida342584brida342584Posts: 3 May 16, 2010
This might be a solution to having a beautiful video of your wedding and letting your brother play videographer too! There is a company that let's you rent video cameras that anyone can use and then you send it back to the company for a professional editing of your video. You get a quality video of your day at an inexpensive price which is perfect for any budget. Pricing starts at $300 and up.

As a wedding & event planner for over 25 years I would certainly recommend this to anyone. Just go online and find a company that is clse to you.
greatestofdaysgreatestofdaysPosts: 10 May 22, 2010
As an event planner, this is really scary. How about setting up another situation that he can practice on? Have you had an engagement party or are you planning any other kinds of events well in advance of your wedding that would be complex and last 3 or 4 hours? Wouldn't a big family reunion would come in handy right now? 8) He might realize that it is more work than he thought.

He should see what his response is when he asks an experienced videographer if he could be a second shooter. He might find out how much goes into it and take a step back. Professional videographers and photographers should know how to stay out of each other's way, but an amateur is at a real disadvantage. Stick to your guns and one day he will understand when it's time for his wedding, assuming he isn't married already. I really hope that he comes around and realizes that having him in the videos with you that show him having a good time is what you will consider to be priceless. Maybe tell him that you don't want to have people look at a video years from now and say, "where was your brother?"
Guest June 19, 2010
Your brother sounds like a bit of a jerk, but might be of some real value as a photographer "in the background."

As a trained, semi-professional photographer (in a very different industry), I've often shot weddings of friends and family -- as an "amateur in the background" -- only to find later that the family (bride especially) was overjoyed that i did, because the "real" professional had botched the job, or simply missed something really important or desirable.

Can't count the number of bride's photo albums that i've been shown which feature many of my photos, even sometimes MOSTLY my photos.

That's not unique to me, either. I've seen other albums that have had to rely heavily on various photos by friends and family, because -- again -- the "professional" wasn't all that professional, or he dropped his one-and-only good camera, or he didn't show because of a last-minute catastrophe, or simple scheduling mix-up, etc., etc. NEVER trust your irreplaceable life-moments to JUST ONE photographer -- EVER! If the "pro" fumbles the job (which happens with astonishing regularity in the real world), there's NO "do-over"! I've known some terribly heartbroken brides who have had these fiascoes happen.

HOWEVER, don't discount the importance of having a REAL pro do things. They USUALLY turn out much better work than the amateurs. But they are NEVER a certain success.

Besides, there's often so much stuff going on at such an event, simultaneously, that it can all be captured only if multiple photographers/videographers are at work. Some of the GREATEST shots at a wedding are unexpected moments, that happen while the pro is focused on something expected and obligatory.

If you think you're old enough to get married, then just GROW UP, and be ABSOLUTELY clear, and HARD AS A ROCK, with your amateur brother, that you ARE an adult, making your OWN decisions about YOUR wedding. And get in his face and tell him that it is not now, nor ever was, his place to "decide" anything about ANYone else's wedding. Tell him he will only be allowed to shoot if he stays the H3LL out of the way of the pro, and agrees to respect and accept all your decisions about video/photos. Otherwise, he can only come to the wedding empty-handed.

Tell him he can make the decisions for his OWN cussed wedding. THIS one is YOURS!

By the way, your fiance' should grow a pair, and stand beside you, firmly, on this one, in your brother's face. Unless he's too immature to get married, himself. Also consider marshalling direct, side-by-side backing from his friends, parents, or anyone he respects, and have them deliver the same orders to him.

But it's still YOUR brother, YOUR problem. Grow up, take control, set the rules, and be ready for whatever action is necessary when your overbearing brother breaks them (he probably will try).

I've had to break a guy's camera once. That works. So does pulling off the battery and throwing it on the roof, or dropping the camera in the nearest large supply of liquid (pool, punchbowl, or toilet). Tell him you're done performing for him, and he can join the wedding as a FAMILY member, not support worker.

By the way, I've been kept busy at some formal events by being assigned as usher, doorman, entertainer, DJ, waiter/host, or other functionary, dressed in a tux -- keeping me from running around with MY nuisance camera. (Might work with YOUR nuisance brother.)

Best wishes.

Guest June 19, 2010
RH I think you hit the nail on the head. Although you are a professional photographer. I see a lot of people hiring "wedding photographers" who can't take a picture to save their lives. When I first started planning events, I had to spend a lot of money on cakes, photographs, and videos to make sure the product I was getting for my clients was solid. KMC I don't know if I see your point because your post was all sales. You can tone it down a bit and still get business. Personally, if I'm posting in a forum outside of Canada I'm just posting for fun!

Catharine Crerar
QuinnPhotoTampaQuinnPhotoTampaPosts: 8 July 22, 2010
It has been my experience that uncle Bob or Aunt Peggy are in the way of the paid professionals there to capture your wedding. Additionally they tend to be guests working so they may miss highlights needed to tell your story. Or worse the event will be captured by an intoxicated relative who means well.

See if you can get your brother to help with set up or greeting the guests while you are getting ready.

If he is organized maybe he can be your eyes and ears to make the day the best it can be.

Let him know that you want him in the video enjoying himself.

Note that "a guy with a camera" will not know how to properly tell your story. It takes training and experience to get a wedding in a format that has a beginning middle and end.
MrMusicMrMusicPosts: 10 July 24, 2010
If you were going to hire a videographer, Let your brother be ONE OF the videographers. Unless he has experience shooting video at a wedding before, you risk a poorly shot wedding video depending on him only

You must sit down with yourself and think how important the video is anyway. The vast majority of times I go out to DJ a wedding ceremony and reception, there is no hired videographer. You can look at it as a gift from him that you wouldn't have had anyway.

The vast majority of times I have seen a photographer without a video being taken. Small Video cameras are usually brought out by family members.

I was surprised to learn about the company above who offers a training program. Wow! What a great service! Is your brother willing?

A wedding day is not to be repeated. You want the best people doing things for you when the end results are important to you after the day is over.
BrevardMinisterBrevardMinisterPosts: 157 July 26, 2010
Your brother needs to respect your wishes for your wedding. I would sincerely thank him for his interest and his desire to help and then let him know what would mean the most to you. If you would prefer he be one of the groomsmen, hand out programs, escort an honored family member, than tell him. If he is not a member of the wedding party, by all means let him video your a guest who wants to record his own memories. While you hire a videographer whom you trust to capture your wedding the way you want it recorded.

Speak to a number of videographers and get samples of their work. When you discuss their contract, see if they have any rules about guests with cameras and camcorders. Guests anxious to videotape or take their own photos often get in the way of the professionals trying to capture the day for the bride and groom. I see it from my vantage point all the time. I always encourage the couple to remind their family and friends (gently via word of mouth) that they will have plenty of opportunity to take pictures, but please give the professionals room to work.

Your brother obviously cares about you and wants to participate. You'll need to adopt a firm hand to give him some guidance in that regard.

Best Wishes,
Rev. Ann Fuller
Melbourne, FL
BrevardMinisterBrevardMinisterPosts: 157 July 26, 2010
MrMusic wrote:
You must sit down with yourself and think how important the video is anyway. The vast majority of times I go out to DJ a wedding ceremony and reception, there is no hired videographer. You can look at it as a gift from him that you wouldn't have had anyway.

I have experienced the same. I have officiated 225 wedding ceremonies and would estimate less than 50 had professional videographers.
SoundImage2007SoundImage2007Posts: 1 August 13, 2010
Two words...night mare. Don't let your brother shoot your wedding. Without a firm understanding of focus, white balance, and exposure levels...your brother could potentially go ahead and deliver a sea sick inducing over exposed, sloppy video that no editor on Earth could fix. Just say, "so and so knew so and so and set it up on the cheap...we got a deal yay! Besides knuckle're IN the wedding."
Guest May 6, 2011
Shooting a wedding makes you miss the whole thing because you must ALWAYS be working. You must GROW UP now -- from now on your husband will be the number one guy in your life -- and tell your brother the way it will be. It may be impossible not to offend him, but he has to face that he's not in control of you.

There are only two solutions:
Flat-out tell him 'no', or have him work FOR (and OBEY) the paid professional.
mnjsp700091mnjsp700091Posts: 2 June 17, 2011
Don't risk having the biggest moment in your life ruined by an amature! Doesn't matter whether he's your brother or not, if he doesn't do weddings for a living or on a regular basis, make sure you put him on the front side of the video camera where you and the rest of your party are! I've had to fix too many amature videos shot by relatives, you only get one chance to get this done right, let him pay for the video, if he wants to be of true value!
Guest June 19, 2011
If he doesn't want to be paid for it let him do what he wants to be useful. Tell him you already have one you're obligated to but you would love for him to do one also from the perspective of a close family member, because he will be able to be at places leading up to the event that the person you hired for the big event isn't paid to do.
JoyfulPromisesOfficiantsJoyfulPromisesOfficiantsPosts: 82 June 22, 2011
Ditto Rev. Ann Fuller's very reasoned responses. If you weren't planning to have a videographer, your brother's footage will be a bonus. If you're planning to have one anyway, either ask your brother to do the candid filming (while staying out of the way of the pro), give him another way to contribute instead, or just gently let him know you'd rather have him in front of the camera instead of behind it.

True story: my sister asked my brother (a very talented amateur photographer and otherwise very responsible person) to videotape her wedding. He showed, sans camera (he "forgot" he was supposed to do it). Result: they have no video of the wedding. It happens....

You and your fiance need to decide what you want and then handle this accordingly.

Best wishes for a beautiful wedding, duly recorded! smile

Marti Barton, Officiant
Joyful Promises
lynn.647241lynn.647241Posts: 1 June 23, 2011
You set the tone in your original post when you said your brother wants to "play videographer". While your wedding should be enjoyable, it should not be a playground for anyone. To keep quiet, and let him ruin your day, will set up life long resentments that you wouldn't want. He's your brother (older or not) make sure he has a prominant place IN the wedding, gently explain that you want him to be part of the wedding NOT hidden from view behind a camera. Let him video your rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, which will save you some money. Then hire your pro for the formal production and let the pro edit your brother's footage to used either at the beginning or the end as a light-hearted compliment to the main event. That way you get the best of both worlds.

Yes, I own a professional videography business and would love to have your business. Our motto "Preserving Memories. Honoring Life." is what we are all about and we want most of all for your wedding day to be as wonderful as you have always dreamed. Please don't have regret as a reminder ~ that is the greatest gift you can have for yourself.

Lynn Lawrence
Green Quest Video Productions LLC
Preserving Memories. Honoring Life.

Move Thread


Merge Thread

Enter the topic ID: