How to handle everyones opinions in the wedding planning ( a lil rant) Messages in this topic - RSS

How to handle everyones opinions in the wedding planning ( a lil rant) Messages in this topic - RSS

HeatherandTroy2011
HeatherandTroy2011
Posts: 27 November 28, 2010
So everyone in his and my family are trying to tell us what we should and shouldnt do for the wedding. Yes I know its our wedding and we are paying for it, but I am getting sick of hearing the " why paper plates, or why do have to use just candles. And my favorite, Why silk flowers." My budget is very tight and I am trying to save anyway poss. I tell everyone this and they act like it has to be an expensive wedding. I told them that if they want it expensive they pay for it. No one wants to. My FI and I want small. so I am really startin to feel so overwhelemed. Please any advice to al this commotion. Thanks
DrRonShapiro
DrRonShapiro
Posts: 354 November 28, 2010
Hi Heather and Troy,

I've learned to always thank people for their opinion. I might also be tempted to add "Troy and I" or "Heather and I are carefully planning our budget for our wedding, purchasing a home, and even planning for our retirement (without incurring significant debt). We have therefore carefully thought through every possible expense in not only planning our wedding but also everything else that we do. We would like to do more in everything, but being practical we are doing what is really most important to us, focusing on what we will have and what we will remember most five, ten, fifteen and even fifty years from now."

I hope this helps a little.

Ron
BrevardMinister
BrevardMinister
Posts: 157 November 28, 2010
I agree with Ron. This situation is very common, but not necessarily easy. Keep it short and simple. "We really appreciate your opinion, thank you." If you have to carry it further, "Thanks for your advice/concern/opinion, but Troy and I are happy with the choices we have made for our wedding." Be honest with your feelings. If someone crosses a boundary and makes you feel uncomfortable it is okay to let them know. "This is a sensitive subject for me and I'm beginning to feel a little overly emotional about it. May we talk about something else right now?"

Best Wishes,
Rev. Ann Fuller
Melbourne, FL
UniqueInvite
UniqueInvite
Posts: 12 November 28, 2010
What great advice!! I was just thinking, which you mentioned that unless they want to pay for it, leave us alone. I give you a lot of credit for being frugal and prioritizing so that you are not in debt afterwards. Hold your grounds. Other posts did say that you don't even need to feed your guests, just serve cake and wine. It's an option. Also eloping works too.

Best of everything!
Deborah Carasso
Unique Invitations
www.invitationsbydeborah.com
HeatherandTroy2011
HeatherandTroy2011
Posts: 27 November 28, 2010
Yeah but eith everything going on it fees like we are in a whirliind of everyones opinions besides our own
DrRonShapiro
DrRonShapiro
Posts: 354 November 28, 2010
Hi Heather and Troy,

I hear you... you have a few options as a number of us have suggested... Considering that you are feeling in such a whirlwind perhaps the simplest and best is to follow Rev. Fuller's advice here... simply say (quoting Rev. Fuller) "This is a sensitive subject for me and I'm beginning to feel a little overly emotional about it. May we talk about something else right now?"

Ron
manda390676
manda390676
Posts: 2 November 29, 2010
I think almost every couple goes through this. Our budget was $5000 for everything and honestly, when I got guff for it, I just told them that everyone has their day and has their own way of handling things. We chose not to put ourselves in the hole over a one day event. Don't let anyone give you a hard time over it - you are planning your future, not just a party. If they can't accept that, then tell them to take a long walk off a short pier. wink
enchantedmemoriesweddings
enchantedmemoriesweddings
Posts: 37 November 30, 2010
There is some great advice so far. I know that I have dealt with several brides that think that silk flowers are "tacky", but I then bring out a photo of my bouquet from my wedding 13 years ago and ask them if they like the flowers. When they answer, I then ask if they could tell they were fake and hand them my actual bouquet. In my mind, it is a much better investment, because it will last a lifetime and all I have to do it spray it with canned air every now and then and it looks like the day I made it. I also still have my Flower Girl basket and my bouquet I carried in my sister's wedding. All look brand new.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you have to do what is right for you. You are to be commended for realizing what is important and that is having your family and friends close while you celebrate the beginning of your life with Troy. Keep that in mind and let the rest roll off your back.

Where are you getting married? Perhaps a planner in your area would be able to help you field the questions that make you uncomfortable. If you need any help, please feel free to call me!

Kim Schrack
L & S Events
(717) 571-0557

Guest November 30, 2010
Sometimes, a "because we want to" would be the best way to answer. How can you argue with that? Have a little fun with it, I know it gets emotional - when someone asks "Why the silk flowers" tell them that you don't believe innocent flowers should get hurt. "Why the paper plates" can be answered with how you support the logging industry. "Candles" because you are trying go green, and save electricity. A little humor goes a long way to let people understand that they are being intrusive or tacky. It also helps you chill out a little during this stressful time.
HeatherandTroy2011
HeatherandTroy2011
Posts: 27 November 30, 2010
Thanks alot
JoyfulPromisesOfficiants
JoyfulPromisesOfficiants
Posts: 82 December 3, 2010
manda.koolis wrote:
I think almost every couple goes through this. Our budget was $5000 for everything and honestly, when I got guff for it, I just told them that everyone has their day and has their own way of handling things. We chose not to put ourselves in the hole over a one day event. Don't let anyone give you a hard time over it - you are planning your future, not just a party. If they can't accept that, then tell them to take a long walk off a short pier. wink


Great advice, all. The bottom line here is that you have your own vision of what you want, you prefer to focus on your marriage, not all on your wedding, and you're happy with your choices. You can smile and thank people for their suggestions, but you don't owe anybody any explanation or justification for what you're planning.
HeatherandTroy2011
HeatherandTroy2011
Posts: 27 December 5, 2010
thanks all of you smile
Glitz571986
Glitz571986
Posts: 2 December 6, 2010
I know EXACTLY what you are going through!! My fiance and I are paying for most of the wedding ourselves but both of our parents are helping, so I feel like I have to please everyone. My fiance's sister got married in 2009 so everything that he and I say/do his mom compared to his sister. She would say, well your sister didn't do that or do it that way. i got so frusterated that I just cried. She would also tell us that she thought what we wanted were bad ideas and had an opinion for everything, now don't get me wrong, i adore his mom very much, but it does get very frusterating. Finally he just talked to his mom and told her that while we appreciate her opinions it is OUR wedding and we're going to do what we want. And that was all it took. And she has been really great ever since. i would have to say that if people want to give their opinions and have you do things their way, then they can help pay for it. If they don't want to pay, just tell them that you apreciate their thoughts but overall, it's your wedding and you are going to do things the way YOU want to do them. It's your day that you are going to remember for the rest of your life...not theirs. good luck!
kimbe448567
kimbe448567
Posts: 4 December 7, 2010
This is so common, I was first married in 1980 and I never forgot how everyone wanted things their way, not what I wanted. Then if I said I want this, they would just do what they wanted anyway, so when I said something, no yelled, they said I was being one of those brides. That is why 25 years later when I opened my own company I named it Your Way by Kimberly, and that is what we do, the way the Bride and Groom want their wedding. I will sit with the Bride and Mom and who ever else and remind them of whos day it is, and then try to find a way to make Mom happy also in an area where the Bride does not care.
REMEMBER YOU CAN NEVER MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY
DjTux
DjTux
Posts: 11 December 9, 2010
Such great advice. Might as well be upfront about things when you feel a bit overwhelmed. Remember that they can go get married and have it their way if they want. This day is about you and your fiance. My 2 cents.

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